Education

When someone we know and love comes out as LGBTQ+, understanding a shared language regarding identity can be of great importance. It is most important to understand that we all fall among the spectrums of identity, expression, and orientation, not just LGBTQ people. 

A common language is often evolving. We’ve provided some common terms and explanations here, for your reference and resource, but to best understand an individual, we encourage conversations amongst individuals regarding how they navigate their identity and where they fit in the world. 

Sexual/Romantic/Emotional Orientation – a conceptualization of the identities and expressions a person is attracted to sexually, romantically, and emotionally. 

Heterosexual – someone who is attracted to people of different gender identity than one identifies. (Straight)

Homosexual – someone who is attracted to people of the same gender identity as themselves. (Gay)

Bisexual – someone who is attracted to more than one gender identity and expression. (Bi) 

Pansexual – someone who is attracted to persons across the spectrum of, and regardless of, gender identities and expressions. (Pan)

Demisexual – someone who is attracted to people based on emotional connection and regardless of gender identity and expression. 

Asexual – someone who does not experience compulsory sexual attraction. (Ace) 

Sex – Biological Sex – Sex Assigned at birth – refers to the biological and physiological traits that differentiate men and women. For example external and internal sex organs, secondary sex traits, chromosomal makeup, hormonal makeup.

Intersex – persons who are born with, or develop, variations of sex traits that don’t fit neatly in the characterization of male or female sex. Historically, intersex babies, especially those born with ambiguous or variation in appearance of external  sex organs, were given medically unnecessary surgeries at the advice of medical professionals with the intent of conforming the external appearance of sex organs. In so many cases, these surgeries, which still happen across the country, resulted in incongruence and physical and emotional distress of the child as they enter puberty or adulthood and self identify. 

Gender – refers to the socially constructed ideals of what defines maleness or femaleness. For example clothing, behavior, roles, etc. These gender traits vary over time and across cultures around the world. 

Gender Identity – a person’s conceptualization of their own identity, considering the socially constructed view of gender at a particular time and culture. 

Gender expression – refers to how a person chooses to perform their gender for the outside world through clothing, hairstyle, behaviors, social interactions, etc. 

Cisgender – a term to describe a person who identifies with a gender identity and expression that aligns with their sex assigned at birth. (Cis) 

Transgender – a term to describe a person who identifies with a gender identity and expression that does not align with their sex assigned at birth. (Trans)

Gender nonconforming/Nonbinary – a term to describe a person who identifies outside of the binary construct of maleness and femaleness. May use gender neutral pronouns, like “they” or “xe/zer”. 

Pronouns – by definition, pronouns describe a noun. In this case, a person uses gender descriptive pronouns aligning with their gender identity & expression. 

• masculine pronouns – he/him/his

        -“Todd went to the grocery store. He called his partner for a reminder of their grocery list.”

• feminine pronouns – she/her/her

        -“Sam was unsure of the answer. She asked her teacher for help”

• gender neutral – they/them/their, xi/xim/zer, others. 

        -“my friend Alex is a performer. They were excellent in their last show.” 

Queer – Queer is a term with a lot of history for queer people and queer movements. While, for many, it is a derogatory term used to hurt LGBTQ people, the term queer was used to identify early LGBTQ rights & liberation movements. Today, many LGBTQ people self identify with the term, as an umbrella term to identify with nonconforming orientation, identity and expressions. ***It is best to defer to the person and terms they use to describe their identity rather than assuming a person’s identity monikers. 

Coming Out – refers to the act of disclosing one’s LGBTQ identity to others. While many people consider their coming out the first disclosure to someone other than themselves, coming out refers to an internal process with oneself and happens many times throughout a persons life, when they need to disclose their identify for any number of reasons. Coming out is a vulnerable act for LGBTQ people. There is still great risk associated with the disclosure of one’s identity and should be taken as a sign of trust and honor to those receiving a disclosure from someone. 

Some helpful tips when someone comes out to you:

• thank them for being vulnerable and trusting you with this information
• hold this information as private unless they tell you otherwise. Ask who else knows and if they feel safe with this disclosure. 
• ask questions in care and understanding, but practice healthy boundaries. Think: Would you want to be asked this same question? 

If you are considering coming out to friends, family, at work/school or elsewhere: 

• consider safety first and foremost. If you feel you may risk being kicked out or harmed, seek help & support in this disclosure. 
• there will be good responses and bad reactions, sometimes people need time to process your disclosure but you deserve respect and safety. 
• when possible, come out to an absolutely safe person first, someone who talks positively and openly about other LGBTQ folks and will support you throughout the coming out process.
• if you need guidance or support in coming out, reach out to the Network for support and help!